(no subject)

[ephitomis]

 Title: Baby Dream

The thing about Ronan’s dream is that he really has to want something for it to be taken out of his dreams. There are many things that Ronan wants, is the problem, and most things he’s not really interested in saying them out loud.

He’s repressed, Gansey would say, but gansey wears boat shoes and knows fuck all about life, so who fucking cares.

Ronan is just very glad that he has never taken the various Adam he has dreamed in his life out of his dreams because that would have been… well. How can he say embarrassing in enough swear words to make it look less pathetic?

Still, Ronan has never really regretted anything he has taken out of his dreams in his life, after all the list contains both Matthew and Chainsaw and he’ll never regret them.

But today… well, today he might come to change his statement because when Ronan wakes up it’s not to the sweet caws of Chainsaw, his usual morning alarm, but to the cry of a fucking baby.

A fucking baby who is crying in Ronan’s bed and what the fuck.

Then he remembers the dream he was having and he thinks what the fuck again, but with more intensity. He can never explain to anyone what he was dreaming when he took out the baby.

Never.

And then the baby opens his eyes and Ronan is fuckign screwed. Royally fucked, that’s what it is. He knows. Very well that the moment someone actually looks at his baby they’ll know what Ronan is talking about, because while Ronan spends most of his time looking at Adam’s eyes, he knows everyone else would recognize them as well.

And they are Adam’s eyes, there’s no doubt about it, framing the face of the baby that Ronan wanted enough to take out of a dream. Fuck.

So he does the only thing he can, really, he takes the baby and fucking high tails out of Monmouth.

He hears Gansey ask something like “Ronan? Is that you?” but he’s out of the door before the other can really say anything else, baby safely secured in his arms.

There are probably rules about driving with a baby in the car, but since it’s his dream baby, Ronan thinks he can just sit the damn thing beside him and put the seatbet on him and call it a day and that’s when he remembers that the baby it’s really fucking small.

Like a minature Adam Parrish in his fucking hands.

Fuck. Strapping it in is out of the question. He doesn’t even think the baby can sit up. He’s fucked, fucked fucked.

Well, whatever, he doesn’t need two hands to drive, right?
So he sits down in his car, keeping the baby close to his chest, and just drives away.

It seems like the baby calms down when Ronan is keeping him close to his chest, so Ronan keeps him as close as he can without smothering him. Fuck, he can’t have this baby be hurt in any way, he knows, and so at one point he even slows down.

What if the speed is hurting him? What then? Ronan is going to have to drive like a fucking grandmother because he can’t really risk the baby getting hurt.

Fuck, being Ronan Lynch really sucks today.

He drives to Cabeswater, but it takes a fucking eternity because he refuses to go faster than 20. He probably could, but then… what if.

The baby seems content enough to just be useless in Ronan’s arms, but as long as he doesn’t cry and just keeps laughing then Ronan considers it a win.

A major win, if he’s honest.

He just has to figure out how to get Cabeswater to take the baby back and then he will just be peachy keen.

Maybe he can explain to the talking trees that it was a mistake, that he didn’t really want the baby he just… he got carried away. No one would blame him considering the situation, he’s sure. Still, since he won’t ever tell anyone the situation, no one will have to not blame him.

“It has to fucking work out,” he mumbles, before realizing he has a kid in his arms and maybe… well, maybe he shouldn’t curse.

Isn’t that what people normally think around babies? Not curse.

That’s a standard low enough that Ronan thinks he can match it.

So he arrives just outside Cabeswather, ready to chuck the damn thing into the forest and call it a day (or that’s what he likes to tell himself, but he already knows he could never do that) when he sees that there’s already a car parked there and he curses three times as hard.

Fuck, fuckity, fuck. Well, he set up a low standard and he still managed to fuck it all up.

It’s also the worst possible car to be parked there, because there’s no mistaking the shitty paint job of the Hondayota and really, why wouldn’t Adam Parrish be there to torment Ronan? He’s already at his lowest point, why not make it worse?

Still, there’s really no avoiding it. Ronan could drive away, but he still has a baby he has to give back to the forest and… and he has no other ideas on how to resolve the situation. Maybe he can just… lie.

He hates lying, sure, but is there really any other solution to the problem?

Saying the truth would probably mean dying of embarrassment so really. Lying seemed like a better deal.

He climbs out of the car slowly, and he spots Adam almost immediately. He’s not looking at Ronan right now, but rather inside Cabeswater, and so Ronan has a good look of his back.

Adam is dressed in his Angiolby get up, immaculate as always, and Ronan just wants to go ther and mess it up. It’s also when he remembers that he’s still in his pijamas. At least he sleeps in black trousers and a black t-shirt. 

Adam notices him after a few seconds and he turns with a snarky comment ready on his lips, but it dies the moment he sees the baby in Ronan’s arms. Who could blame him, really.

“Is that a joke?” Adam asks, and Ronan would love to tell him it was but. Yeah.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, because he really didn’t want to answer that question. 

Adam, with his eyes still fixed on the baby, replies: “Cabeswater woke me up in a frenzy. I came here thinking there was some kind of emergency, but nothing was out of place… now I understand.”

Ronan sighs, and looks down at the baby. Of course, of course, Cabeswater had to bring Adam here. Because Cabeswater, like everything else connected to Ronan, was a fucking dick.

“Did you really dream yourself a kid?” Adam asks, and Ronan explodes.

“This is not my kid, what the fuck Parrish,” he snarls, because he can’t help it, and the damn kid in his arms starts squirming.

“Well, what else am I supposed to think?” Adam asks, pointing at the baby, “If he’s not your kid, who is he?”

And that’s the crux of the problem, isn’t it? Who is this baby. 

Ronan looks down at the kid, who can’t be older than a few weeks or something like this, and really doesn’t want to tell Adam. How could he explain his dream?

He doesn’t even know what triggered the nightmare. Adam has been out of his shitty house for a while, but Ronan had dreamt of Adam, smaller and smaller as the dream continued, being kicked by his bastard of a father and at one point Ronan had screamed, taken little Adam by the end and fucking pulled.

And that’s how he got stuck with a baby.

He knows, however, that if he ever tells Adam this, the other will be angry and mistake Ronan’s dream as pity. 

And there’s no way for Ronan to get out of the situation but to scream at Adam until the other realises that he’s fucking in love with him. And that’s just terrible all together.

Fucking shitballs. Why does Ronan’s dream always puts him in this terrible spot? He has lost count of how many pair of Coca Cola shirt he has, or how many hand lotions he has stored under his bed, waiting for Parrish to finish the one he has already given him.

It’s pathetic, it’s what it is, but he already knows he’s fucking gone over Parrish. He just doesn’t want the rest of the universe to know as well. Is that too much to ask?

“He’s just a kid, Parrish,” he says, which is technically not a lie. But not a truth either. “I just… he doesn’t belong here.”

Because Parrish had grown. Even without Ronan’s help, he had survived and grown and became the man Ronan loved today. And while he would have loved to give Adam a chance at happiness even at a young age… he doesn’t mind the Adam he has in front of him today.

And that’s all that matters.
“You’re fucking strange Lynch,” Adam simply says, but he has a sharp smile and Ronan fucking loves him.

Yeah, he really doesn’t mind the Adam in front of him today.